And here it is, another Mother’s Day.
I am grieving my Stage IV and mets sisters who died this year, either leaving children behind, or before they were even able to have children.
I am celebrating the fact that I have lived another year to be able to mother my son, although there are times he probably wishes I wouldn’t “mother” him so much! He was 14 the year I was first diagnosed, and spent the entire 9 months of my chemo/surgery/radiation believing I would die. He was 18 when I mets’d 3 1/2 years ago. Yes, I know the stat that says average life expectancy of a metster is 3 years. And I am BLESSED to still be here!
I am a twist of happy and sad, calm and angry. Happy (I’m HERE!). Sad (Seporah, Annie and a ton of others are NOT). Calm (I’m not in control). Angry (40,000 men and women DIE each year from what I have).
I’m personally in a good place right now – the chemo I’m on is keeping the cancer stable with minimal side effects. I’m pushing myself to expand my stamina in the hopes of being able to exercise more for a healthier weight and body. We have a trip planned to see friends this fall. And yet, there is that cloud… the one that may open and pour down on me at any moment…. the one where this chemo stops working and we try to figure out which next one will. Even so, I will dance in the storm. Oh, I’ll rage a bit, cry a bit, but then the laughter will take over. I get to choose how to face my life. I’m no Pollyanna, blithely going through life and ignoring downturns. I do now look for the good in the situation…. or at least I try. Some things just SUCK.
But you know, that’s part of being a mom. The ups and downs. The sunshine and storms. Teaching your children and sometimes other people’s children. Other people teaching your children. Mistakes made, sometimes repeated until you get it right. Apologizing to those you hurt. Life lessons learned the hard way. Listening to other people and knowing you’re not alone. Validating and discussing. Seeing another point of view and working to understand it. Eternal hope for better for your loved ones. We are meant as human beings to live together, not isolated.
What do I want for Mother’s Day? Hmmmmmm…. I pretty much have everything I want – a husband and son who love me, family and friends who watch out for me, a home that is safe, healthy & yummy food in the fridge, money in the bank, dogs that lick me and snuggle me and make me crazy, Erve that is undergoing some upgrades, a garden in the backyard, a church that feeds me, and a medical team who truly cares about me. I can’t think of a single THING I want.
What I want is more experience. More time to coach, to travel, to teach, to mentor, to LOVE AND LIVE.
Whether you are a mom of a furbaby, a god-child, a step-child, an adopted child or a biological child, second mom to nieces and nephews, team mom, room mom. Thank you for the love you show my son, friends, family, God, universe. Thank you for being YOU!
And to my mom and my mother-in-law, Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!